I have been sick for past whole month and now, I still suffer slightly from the sickness.I think there is nothing to be ashamed of.I am OCD.OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder, i am OCD not I have OCD.I am it.Lol.Same thoughts kept repeating again and again in my mind until I can't continue with my daily routine.My life was disrupted by all these repetitive thoughts and behaviour.There were several nights I couldn't sleep well and there were several days my whole body was numb because of the medication I took.I told sw about it.I dunno why I wanna tell all these but I dun want to hide about it anymore.I felt scared most of the days.There were a few days that what other people said kept repeating in my mind.When they said something, the voice will automatically repeat in my brain.I was so irritated with all these obsession but I can't do anything to improve my mental health.I felt depressed nowadays that I totally neglected my study.There were few happy moments that I had been through in this month but some of my days were consumed by endless anxiety and incessant thoughts.Iwas also more sensitive to the sounds around me.For instance, I couldn't even tolerate the sound of the fan.The fluttering sounds was annoying me
.Honestly, I have anxiety problems but my case was not so serious like depression.I got headaches nowadays.I dunno what happened to me.I dunno who to tell this to cause I am afraid they will laugh at me and leave me alone.Who wants a problematic friend? I kept asking myself why all these things happen to me.Why can't I be healthy like other student.I post this blog because I wanna have some sympathy.lol.I can't finish my homework and I can't do most of the tasks well.I felt like a failure.Now, I think I am ok but I am also not ok.I am better than before yet I am not completely recovered.I can study and attend tuition all that now but sometimes, i still get bothered by the sounds around me, I still can't finish my tuition work.I am very sensitive to my surrounding for no apparent reason.Maybe it is due to this illness but I dunno what can I do to cure it.I am getting quieter cause my brain is filled with obsessive thoughts most days.Dad brought me to temple and we prayed together.We prayed at home everyday by reading the 'kitab'.Dad kept consoling me whenever I felt distressful.He kept reminding me to be happy and persistent.He said that every problems can be solved.As long as I think positively.Negative thoughts kept intruding my mind.I have to fight off all these stupid thoughts.I hate all these but I can't control my brain.Doctor said we can only have one thought at a time.Her words intrigued me.I felt terrified of my thoughts.I dunno where else can i tell all these words because I dunno how to tell my friends.For those who read this post, there is nothing I will feel ashamed about.OCD is an illness , just like fever, asthma or cancer.AN ILLNESS.It's not permanent yet the effect that it hold on some people is catastrophic.